She’s Not Ready For A Relationship But Wants To Be Friends

When a girl says she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends, she may be expressing she doesn’t have feelings for you right now. She only sees you as a friend – someone she can talk to when she’s bored, lonely, or in need of support. She doesn’t know if she’ll develop feelings anytime soon, so she said she’s not ready for a relationship and indirectly asked you to accept her decision and not pressure her.

If she wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would have told you so. She would have verbally and non-verbally shown you that she liked where things were going between you and her and that she wanted more talking, flirting, and bonding.

Perhaps she said she wasn’t ready because she’s going through something difficult like a breakup or personal issues at home and wanted you to know that she can’t start anything serious with you. Maybe she needs more time to process the past and deal with her issues at her own pace. Or maybe she’s just using the “I’m not ready, but let’s be friends” excuse to let you down gently and show you she still wants you in her life.

Many times, friendship after a breakup or rejection is nothing but a pity offer. It’s something people propose to reduce the other person’s pain and assuage their guilt. They hope the other person will be contented with friendship and get off their back.

Sadly, rejected people tend to get hope from friendship, They convince themselves their crush still likes them otherwise he or she would have stopped talking to them completely. This kind of thinking leads them to believe they may be able to get close to their crush and make him or her fall in love.

Needless to say, that’s extremely unlikely. It’s much more likely that their words and actions will overwhelm and annoy their crush and force him or her to ask for space and understanding.

So if a girl says she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends, bear in mind that she’s either telling the truth or a white lie. Either way, she doesn’t feel love for you at the moment and needs you to respect her feelings and need for space. You shouldn’t pester her with your feelings and hope that she feels something for you.

If you ignore her decision and lack of feelings, she could get angry and become resentful. Negative perceptions and emotions could force her to ignore you and block you. The stronger your approach is, the bigger the chance that she’ll stop caring about your feelings and try to reject you politely.

Soon, she’ll lose her patience and feel tempted to get space at any cost – even if she needs to hurt your feelings.

If she truly isn’t ready for a relationship (let’s say because she got broken up with recently), she can’t reciprocate your feelings because she’s still dealing with her unreciprocated feelings. She’s still processing the past and trying to let go of it. She could give you what you want later, but it could take a long time.

Depending on her situation and where she is in her healing process, she could be ready after a few weeks or a few months.

You don’t have any control over her emotional readiness because it’s something she needs to deal with on her own. She’s responsible for letting go of the past or dealing with problems that weigh her down. Her crush (you) can’t help her. Not now that she rejected you. If you try to help her, she’ll assume you’re doing it to get on her good side and make her fall in love.

She’ll think you have romantic expectations of her and that you don’t take no for an answer.

So as much as you want to help her process her issues sooner, keep in mind that she doesn’t want, nor expect your help. She would have asked for help already if she wanted it from you. What she needs from you is time and space to deal with her problems and stressors. When she’s worked through her issues, she may contact you to see if you’re still open to dating.

Some dumpees or even people who wanted to date but were rejected receive a call or text sometime later. Usually, it takes a couple of months for their ex or crush to deal with his or her issues and feel emotionally ready for a new relationship.

But until they’re ready, they keep their distance and dread being forced to give others time, attention, and love. They’re super sensitive to any expectations or demands that force them to feel, say, or do something they’re not ready for.

When people ask them for too much, they feel swamped by negative thoughts and emotions and think they have no choice but to push them away (often by force). They don’t care if they hurt others because others don’t understand and hurt them first.

In this post, we talk about the reasons why a girl says she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends.

What does it mean if she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends?

If she’s not ready for a relationship, she’s not ready for it with anyone, not just you. She feels stressed or overwhelmed and has a lot on her mind that prevents her from forming a deep emotional connection with another person.

One of the most common causes of emotional unavailability is a recent breakup as a breakup can make the dumpee obsessed with the past. It forces him or her to process difficult emotions and ignore the present.

Aside from a breakup, emotional unavailability can also result from:

• stress at work
• fallout with friends and family
• major illness or injury
• death of a loved one
• moving homes
• financial issues
• depression
• and unresolved childhood issues

All these things can affect a person’s ability to develop and reciprocate feelings. They can cause temporary emotional blockage and thwart his or her desire for intimacy. The bigger the issue a person is facing, the greater its impact and the longer it may take to resolve.

So bear in mind that a woman who claims not to be ready for a relationship may still dealing with the consequences of something difficult, painful, or stressful. She may have already resolved the issue but still needs some time to herself to forget about her problems and decide her next step in life.

She doesn’t want to jump into a new relationship right away and be limited by it. She wants to be free and live a life that decreases her chances of getting stressed, angered, rejected, or anything she doesn’t want to feel. Delaying a new relationship gives her the freedom to set her own rules and live on her terms.

At the moment, she just wants to be friends. She can’t give you what you’re looking for because she’s looking for something else. Your expectations, goals, and energy levels don’t match hers, so she wants to keep her distance from you and be in control of her life.

However, if she doesn’t want to be with you because she doesn’t find you attractive, then she’ll probably talk to other people and get into a new relationship when she finds someone she likes and wants to be with. She’ll show you she used the “I’m not ready” justification to help you take the rejection less personally and form a bond with a more compatible romantic prospect.

She’ll essentially trick you by making you think the issue is with her inability to start a new relationship when it’s with her perception of you.

If you believe she just needs some time to deal with her issues, you could keep waiting for a long time. You could put your life on hold for a person who may already be talking to someone else.

Unless she told you why she isn’t ready for a new relationship, you must consider the possibility that she just isn’t ready for a relationship with you. Some people make excuses to soften the blow and avoid feeling guilty.

But what if she genuinely isn’t ready for a relationship and wants to be friends?

In that case, you must understand a few things.

1. She’s going through something difficult or recently went through something difficult and needs time to process it and enjoy her life for a while.
2. She wants to be your friend or thinks she wants to be your friend.

Some people offer friendship despite not wanting it. They don’t know how to console the person they rejected, so they offer friendship in an attempt to calm the situation. If the rejected person accepts friendship and starts acting like a friend, they often treat him or her more like a stranger than someone they like and appreciate.

You have to be careful when a person you love or crush on asks to be friends. Friendship sounds nice on paper, but it’s often impossible. Once the dumper understands your feelings and intentions, she will be cautious around you. She’ll understand that you want more from her than she’s able or willing to give and that she could get pressured and feel guilty again.

Post-rejection friendship is challenging for both parties. It’s hard for the person who rejects you and even harder for you. Every time you communicate and/or receive updates on her life, you get your hopes up or your hopes destroyed, depending on what you learn and how you perceive the information. You feel like you’re on a neverending emotional rollercoaster.

The only way to get off it and feel better is to stop interacting with her.

So whether she’s going through a lot or wants to date other people, remember that she may or may not want to keep you around as a friend. What she wants doesn’t even matter. What matters is what’s best for you. And what’s best for you is to understand that she currently doesn’t want to be with you.

She’s busy with other (more important) matters and can’t invest in multiple things at once.

Having said that, here’s what it means if she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends.

What do you do when a girl says she just wants to be friends?

When a girl says she just wants to be friends, you might feel tempted to accept her offer and be her friend. You might tell yourself that she’ll come back around if you play your cards right as a friend and give her enough time to deal with her issues. Although she might indeed come back when she’s dealt with her issues, she might also not.

She might just friend-zone you and string you along. If she doesn’t see your romantic potential and has no intention of returning, she could waste a lot of your time and keep you obsessed with her.

You probably don’t have unlimited time and emotions to waste on someone who might see your romantic worth in the future. Waiting for someone who isn’t waiting for you would be a huge mistake. It’d make you wait for this person even though she may already be talking to someone else.

That’s why the best thing to do when a girl says she just wants to be friends is to avoid acting like a friend. Instead of talking to her and hoping she becomes ready to be with you, distance yourself from her and give her the space to focus on things or people she wants to focus on. This won’t reduce your chances of being with her.

If anything, it will increase them because she’ll feel free and respect you for being emotionally strong and not giving her a hard time.

Whether she has feelings for someone else and wants to date him or isn’t ready for anything serious yet, she needs to see that you’re not waiting for her. Waiting would show her that you expect her to be with you and that she needs to hurry up and commit. This would put pressure on her and make her think less of you.

It’s hard to respect someone willing to wait months for her to resolve her problems. I’m not saying you should date other people and make her jealous, but do show that rejection hasn’t destroyed you and that your life doesn’t revolve around her. She’ll respect and like you more if you handle rejection confidently and move on with your life without guilt-tripping and annoying her.

When she’s ready for a connection in the future, she will consider you an equal in terms of interest and investment—and will work for your attention, recognition, and love. She will know that you prioritize yourself over her and that she could get rejected if she doesn’t use the right excuse and give you what you need from her.

Always remember that a person who values you and wants you romantically will willingly give you what you need (and more). She’ll invest in you hoping you’ll invest back in her. She won’t expect you to impress her and do all the work.

That’s why the best thing you can do when she says she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends is not to be friends with her. Either agree to friendship but don’t act like a friend or say you’re not ready for it and need time. That way, you’ll set healthy boundaries and show her you’d rather focus on moving on and dating other people.

She mustn’t think you’ve stopped your life for a girl who might or might not want a relationship in the future. You can’t tell her you’ll wait as this might encourage her to rely on you as a friend and keep you waiting a very long time (maybe forever).

All in all, if she’s not ready for a relationship, you mustn’t be either. You must back off and surround yourself with people who can give you what you want. It will take time to get over the rejection, but when you’re over it, you’ll realize that stepping back and giving her space was the most self-respectful thing you could have done.

Did a girl you like or love turn you down by saying she wasn’t ready for a relationship and offer friendship instead? Share your story in the comments section below.

And if you need help understanding why she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to be friends, consider subscribing to our coaching services for support.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.