When your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship, it’s pretty obvious that your ex doesn’t want you to be happy. Your ex thinks you did him or her dirty and that you deserve to suffer for all the pain and suffering you’ve caused. Your ex doesn’t want you to feel fulfilled on your own or with someone else after the way things have ended and is convinced that your new partner should know what you did and are like as a person.
Due to pain and bitterness, your ex has turned into a vengeful person and wants to ruin your life together with his or hers. Misery loves company, so your ex wants you to be as unhappy, unsuccessful, and relationship-less as him or her. That would make your ex see that you didn’t get a head start and that he or she can take his or her time moving forward.
The reason your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship is that your happiness hurts your ex’s ego. It makes your ex feel ignored, replaced, and unimportant. So much so that it affects your ex’s self-love and ability to progress in life.
Your ex can’t stand feeling unimportant and not being in control, so it leaves your ex no other option but to get involved and change things by force.
By ruining your new relationship, your ex gets to see that he or she can manipulate your new life and feel powerful about it. Getting in the way of your new relationship is one of the last, yet the worst things your ex can do to hurt you.
Instead of focusing on his/her own life, your ex is focusing on a life that no longer matters and ruins his or her karma and purpose in life..
If you’re as bad a person as your ex is making you out to be, karma will take care of you. Karma will make you repeat the same mistakes and break up with your partner. Your ex won’t have to get involved personally and meddle with your relationships. That would be unnecessary as it would turn your ex into a relationship wrecker and ruin his or her own karma.
The truth is that your ex doesn’t care much about karma right now. At the moment, your ex is focused solely on punishing you. The anger coursing through his or her blood controls your ex as it instructs him or her to get back at you for the things you said or did. Uncontrolled anger also affects your ex’s blood vessels and increases the risk of developing cardiovascular problems.
Despite focusing on a completely wrong person and endangering his or her health, your ex is committed to seeing you fail and get hurt. Your ex has decided that you shouldn’t be happy and that he or she will do whatever it takes to destroy your new relationship.
That tells you a lot about your impulse-driven, self-destructive ex. He or she is in so much pain and has such bad coping mechanisms that your unhappiness and pain are the only things that give him or her pleasure.
Your ex can feel better about his or her post-breakup life only if your life is as unproductive, stagnant, and miserable as his or hers.
So if your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship, bear in mind that your ex is unpredictable and dangerous. He or she is willing to turn into a vengeful person, ruin his or her good karma, and discard all the lessons he or she learned throughout the relationship. Your ex is happy to regress to an impulse-driven individual who focuses on the past rather than the present and future.
Such a person has and will continue to have a hard time controlling emotions. He or she will deal with difficulties emotionally and struggle to maintain romantic relationships. Expect the man or woman not to trust people and treat them no better than he or she treated you.
An ex who keeps trying to destroy your new relationship stopped caring about your feelings. He or she feels victimized and is okay with ruining your life. Morality and self-control aren’t his or her concerns. Revenge is much more important. It’s much easier to get and feels much better (at least in the short run).
Revenge is instantaneous and boosts your ex’s ego and pride. It makes your ex feel even and gives him or her a feeling of power and control. By seeing you hurt, your ex sees that he or she is not suffering alone and that you’re in this together.
It’s clear that your ex can’t stand being the only one who suffers. That’s why your ex is doing everything in his or her power to ruin your relationship. Your ex thinks that if he or she interferes, you could break up and be forced to suffer and address your unresolved issues.
That wouldn’t improve your ex’s life in any way, but it would give your ex a feeling of strength and satisfaction.
An ex can try to destroy a relationship in many ways.
He or she can:
- contact your new partner and say he or she has important things to say
- meet up with your partner
- stalk you or your partner
- leave nasty comments on your social profiles
- send anonymous texts and letters about your promises and behavior
- spread rumors and half-truths
- and do anything that makes you look bad and instills doubt, fear, and pain
In this post, we discuss why your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship and what you can do to placate your vindictive ex.
Why is my ex trying to ruin my new relationship?
The simplest explanation for why your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship and hurt you is because your ex is in pain and thinks you should suffer for it. Your ex doesn’t like the idea that you’re moving on, dating, and having the time of your life while he or she is dealing with pain, fear, and lack of power and self-worth.
Your ex didn’t expect you to leave, let alone find another person. He or she especially didn’t expect you to cut him or her off and invalidate everything your ex did for you. That’s why your ex is now trying to damage or destroy your new relationship and get back the time, effort, and emotions he or she put into you.
Your ex is in damage-control mode, doing his or her best to protect his or her ego and self-esteem. Causing problems and inflicting pain makes your ex destroy the work he or she put into you. It’s as if he or she took back a gift he or she had given you.
Your ex probably overinvested in you and suffered a huge shock. Shock your ex lacks the tools to deal with properly. Instead of seeking help and talking about his or her feelings of abandonment and replacement, your ex chose to confront the person responsible for his or her suffering. Your ex made his or her pain your problem and forced you to feel hurt, scared, and angry.
By making you feel difficult emotions, your ex felt empowered and in control for the first time since the breakup. Your ex felt that he or she had power over you and that justice could be served. Your ex just needed to ensure the destruction of your relationship, bring a negative reaction out of you, and boost his or her small ego.
He or she had to do that even if it would lead to mutual destruction.
Breakup emotions are no joke. Dumpees can feel so much pain they stop thinking rationally and do desperate and vengeful things. They can beg for another chance or slash their ex’s tires, sleep with their ex’s friends, meddle with their ex’s relationships, and make their ex’s life extremely difficult.
They’re capable of many unpredictable and painful things. Especially dumpees with fragile egos and mental health problems. Such dumpees could take the rejection so personally they compete with you and try to ruin your relationships and life.
If you left your ex in an inconsiderate and super hurtful manner (you ghosted, cheated, denied your ex closure, or started dating someone new soon after breaking things off), your ex probably feels betrayed and thinks that vengeance can be justified. He or she considers you a selfish individual who puts his or her feelings before others.
Your ex doesn’t care what happens to you because you don’t care what happens to him or her. Your ex has an eye for an eye mentality and believes you must face justice for taking him or her for a fool. If your ex didn’t feel misled and disrespected, your ex wouldn’t be spending so much time trying to hurt you and obtain sense of control.
Your ex would be focusing on detachment, self-improvement, and moving on.
So ask yourself if you did something to hurt your ex and not take accountability for it. Did you mislead your ex, betray your ex, seen-zone your ex, lie to your ex, start dating someone quickly, or did anything at all that ignored your ex’s feelings and hindered his or her recovery?
Of course, that wouldn’t justify your ex’s vengeful behavior, but it would explain why your ex feels pain so intensely and thinks that the best way to deal with it is to hurt you back. If you intentionally or unintentionally caused your ex vengeful ex mental anguish, it’s a good enough reason for your ex to take matters of justice into his or her own hands and try to get back at you by destroying something you love.
Your relationship is your source of pleasure and happiness. And your ex wants to take it away from you by force because it seems like the quickest way to stop you from enjoying your life and feeling that he or she is behind.
It’s no secret that an ex who wants your new relationship to fail feels victimized and has a reason to make you suffer. Your ex probably thinks you’re a bad person who doesn’t deserve happiness, success, and all the nice things life has to offer. He or she thinks that you gave up those privileges when you abandoned the relationship and found someone else to date.
Since your ex isn’t happy, your ex doesn’t want you to be happy either. Your ex wants you to feel as miserable as him or her until your ex feels happy, successful, and ready to leave the past behind.
With that said, here’s why your ex is trying to destroy your new relationship.
How to deal with an ex who wants to destroy your new relationship?
If your ex is trying to damage or destroy your new relationship, you must agree that your ex went way too far and that you must protect yourself and your new partner. You must do what’s best for you and your new partner and let your ex deal with his or her resentment and vengeance alone.
Don’t try to explain yourself and apologize for your flaws and mistakes. An apology will likely make your ex see that his or her manipulation tactics are working and convince your ex to keep trying to destroy your relationship. Your ex will keep doing that as long as you get emotionally affected and react to it.
You may have started a new relationship too quickly and invalidated your ex’s feelings, but now that you’re with someone new, you need to prioritize your partner and move on from your ex. You need to protect your relationship by reducing or eliminating problems and stressors.
In your case, you must get your ex out of your life immediately. Block your ex’s number and social media and talk to your partner about your ex. Be honest and tell your partner why your ex feels hurt and wants to drive a wedge between you and him/her.
Explain what kind of relationship you had, how long it lasted, and most importantly, how it ended. If it had an ugly ending (let’s say you cheated and/or met your current partner shortly after breaking up), be brave and tell your partner that. He or she deserves and needs to know why your ex feels the need to destroy something you care about.
When your partner understands your ex’s reasons for wanting you to break up and be miserable, ask your partner to block your ex and ignore vengeful deeds. If your ex is sending you letters that suggest you’re dating other people, ask your partner to ignore them and talk to you about his or her thoughts and feelings.
If things don’t improve soon (within a month or so), you can always involve the authorities and get a restraining order against your ex. You can force your ex to give you space and leave your new relationship alone. Your partner will appreciate peace, and so will you.
Don’t hesitate to get rid of an ex who’s out to get you. Rationalize with your ex only if your ex is capable of rationalizing and wants an explanation (closure). Such an ex may be emotional, but he or she will communicate maturely and respect your new relationship.
When an ex is trying to make your life miserable, cut your ex off even if you regret not handling the breakup appropriately. Rremember that you have a new relationship to take care of and that you must focus on your and your partner’s well-being. Your ex’s rage and vindictiveness are your ex’s problem.
They must remain his or her problem until your ex realizes he or she has anger issues, apologizes, and makes an effort to communicate maturely. Of course, you don’t need to talk to your ex if your ex has already caused you damage. But if you have important things to discuss (kids, lease, finances, etc.), you can talk to your ex about them when your ex calms down and shows respect.
Is your ex trying to destroy your new relationship? How is your ex meddling with your new life? Let us know in the comments area below.
However, if you want our help with your manipulative ex, get in touch with us by subscribing to breakup coaching. Together, we’ll create a plan tailored to your situation and needs.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
