10 Signs Your Ex Never Loved You

If your ex hurt you and made you wonder if he or she ever even loved you, know that there are ways to uncover the truth. Love or the lack of it can be hard to hide. Most people show it through their actions and consistency rather than promises and professions of love. Some are afraid of expressing it verbally or non-verbally (due to fears, family issues, or unresolved traumas) or show it but do a poor job of treating their partner with respect and giving their partner what he or she desires from a romantic partner.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love their partner but that they lack the self-awareness, maturity, or skills to make the relationship grow. Such people may appear as if they don’t love their partner and that they’re in the relationship entirely for themselves, but deep inside, they love their partner very deeply.

They want to stay with their partner even though they’re not capable of maintaining the relationship properly and staying in it long-term. For example, highly jealous, possessive, and controlling partners love their partner way too much. But because they don’t love themselves and lack control over their emotions and actions, they act impulsively and hurt the person they love the most.

Because they’re mean, unreceptive, overprotective, scared, depressed, or different from what is considered healthy or normal, they stop prioritizing things that matter and get left or leave themselves.

Therefore, we mustn’t connect misdemeanors, jealousy, and unresolved childhood issues with a lack of love as love is a feeling of closeness, emotional attachment, and physical attraction. A person who loves you will remain committed and at least somewhat affectionate even if he or she has poor relationship knowledge or no intention to treat you well.

I’m not saying you should stay with a person like that, but when it comes to love, he or she probably does love you. To not love a person means to feel disconnected and be okay with losing him or her as a romantic partner, especially to someone else. It means you value your time alone or with someone else more than the romantic experience with your partner.

It’s normal to question your ex-partner’s love now that the relationship has ended. You’re hurt and need answers for acceptance purposes. Now that you’re physically and emotionally away from your ex, you should see things objectively from a much clearer perspective. You should see whether your ex had genuine reasons for staying with you for as long as he or she did or if your ex stayed out of convenience or selfishness.

Many couples get used to being in a relationship and become non-romantic over time. They unintentionally stop looking for ways to bond as romantic partners and by doing so, lose attraction and reasons for staying together. Such couples are at risk of drifting apart and connecting with individuals they seem to have more in common with.

Oftentimes, they cheat as they find new people more captivating and irresistible.

So if you’re doubting your ex’s love for you and are looking for signs your ex never loved you, look no further. In this article, you’ll find all the signs you need that your ex’s love was fake or absent.

1)The relationship fizzled out quickly

Your ex may have been crazy about you at first, but most people are. They feel obsessed (infatuated) with the person they’re seeing because they feel validated by the amount of attention they receive. Their partner makes them feel attractive and needed, so they give a lot of affection and compliments and show a lot of interest.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t last forever. When they get used to being the center of their partner’s attention, their happy hormones wane and reveal their true colors. If they only want superficial things such as validation and sex, they lose interest rather quickly as they lack the patience to invest in the relationship.

So if your relationship ended shortly after the infatuation period, know that your ex may have never loved you. He or she may have been infatuated with you and lost/never had the drive to build something meaningful with you. When people are on cloud nine, they promise unrealistic things and do things they normally wouldn’t do. They appear loving and give their partner hope.

That’s why they hurt their partner badly when they fail to keep their promises after the infatuation phase. This tends to happen 3 – 4 months into the relationship when the relationship experiences challenges and needs maintenance.

You should never convince yourself that a person who’s still getting to know you loves you. Love is reserved for couples who make it past the infatuation phase and see the good and the bad parts of the relationship. When they see their partner’s good and bad qualities and decide to stick with him or her despite them, they accept their partner fully and obtain the right to say “I love you.”

Until then, they merely obsess over their partner and crave intimacy and validation.

2)Your ex wasn’t over his/her ex

If your ex recently got dumped or went through a difficult separation/divorce, your ex likely wasn’t over his or her ex-partner. Your ex must have still had feelings for the previous partner and/or couldn’t start a new serious connection. It’s hard to form a new connection when the previous partner is on your mind a lot and brings back difficult memories and emotions.

That’s why it’s important not to date for a while after the breakup.

Dumpees tend to crave their ex’s love rather than their new partner whereas dumpers may struggle to see the new person as a different individual. The new person reminds them of their ex’s negative traits and feelings and blocks their desire to establish a strong bond.

It’s hard to say how long they should wait before they start a new relationship, but they definitely shouldn’t start anything serious right away. If they ignore the need to heal and regain their identity and try to replace their ex with someone new, the new person may remind them too much of their ex and cause them to feel unfulfilled.

You can tell your ex was still in love with his or her ex or dealing with the aftermath of the breakup if your ex:

• still talked to his/her ex or hung out with him/her despite having no kids or other obligations
• brought up his/her ex too often
• defended his/her ex
• accidentally called you his/her name
• kept photos or reminders of his/her ex

3)Your ex stopped responding and appeared aloof

Although people can be moody, they usually don’t appear cold and distant without a reason, especially for days. Long-term unreceptive demeanor indicates that your ex stopped loving you or couldn’t bring him/herself to develop love once the relationship got through the infatuation phase.

An ex doesn’t act old for no reason. Usually, people act this way when they realize they don’t feel good around their partner and that they would be happier on their own or with someone else.

That’s when they:

• stop responding or responding quickly and enthusiastically
• lie about their whereabouts
• make excuses not to meet up
• go out more
• wear makeup and dress to attract
• prioritize friends and family
• go on vacations without their partner

If they don’t address their problems, improve their mentality and behavior toward their partner, and develop love, they leave when they find an opportunity to do so. And usually, they find it when they ruin their partner’s image in their eyes and feel suffocated by his or her presence.

So if your ex became unapproachable shortly after getting serious with you, remember that your ex likely never loved you. He or she loved the idea of being with you but soon learned that he or she was living in an illusion. Feelings couldn’t develop due to a negative relationship mentality, expectations, and perception of you.

4)Your ex treated you like a friend or roommate

Some couples fall out of love because they stop nurturing their romantic relationship and start acting more like roommates. Others, never develop love in the first place as they fail to show gestures that distinguish their relationship from mere friendship or non-romantic companionship.

They’re physically together but not emotionally, which makes them couples who lack a good/romantic reason to stay together. They remain a couple mainly for convenience as they benefit from:

• companionship
• support
• keeping a family intact
• cheaper bills
• reaching societal/family expectations
• a feeling of progression

If your ex treated you like a friend rather than a partner from the start, you have a sign your ex never loved you. He or she liked you but couldn’t connect with you on a deeper level. This may be due to incompatibility, stress, emotional unavailability, or lack of effort.

If couples are ready and capable of being in a long-term relationship, their relationship flows naturally. They don’t feel disconnected and feel the need to force things. If they have to force themselves to feel something, they don’t have any feelings or reasons to be together.

5)Your ex saw you only/mostly at night

If your ex made time for you only at night or when it was convenient for him or her, you have a sign your ex never loved you. Your ex didn’t care about getting to know you and was only interested in having a sexual connection with you. Sex is a normal part of the get-to-know-each-other phase, but it shouldn’t consist only of it.

When it does, it shows that someone has different priorities and intentions and that the relationship will probably fail when the more invested person develops romantic expectations.

Always remember that a person who loves you will want to be around you a lot and at any time, not just in the evening or at night. He or she especially won’t leave after sleeping with you. If he or she does or doesn’t see you while the sun is still up, it’s probably safe to assume you dated someone who was in it for the wrong reasons.

Sometimes people stay with their partners for selfish reasons. They don’t leave (despite feeling unfulfilled) as long as the relationship is stress-free and expectationless. They usually leave when things get difficult or when they find a replacement for their partner.

6)Your ex didn’t care about your feelings

Even though it’s possible your ex was just a bad partner, it’s also possible that your ex never truly loved you. Love means caring for the other person as if he or she were you or your child. If your ex didn’t care when you were hurt by him/her or in general, your ex clearly didn’t love you.

Your ex loved the benefits he or she received from you.

Benefits such as:

• money
• reassurance
• and having someone next to him or her

A person with love sympathizes/empathizes with your pain and wants the best for you even if it’s not what he or she wants. Love causes him or her to identify and abandon unhealthy beliefs and treat his or her partner with care and respect – as an equal.

If a person doesn’t love his or her partner, he or she is usually much less patient, affectionate, and involved. Things that should concern and interest him or her typically don’t as he or she prioritizes his or her own problems, feelings, goals, and interests.

So bear in mind that a lack of care about your feelings and life in general is a huge red flag. It’s a sign that your ex didn’t love you and was in a relationship entirely for himself or herself.

7)Your ex never showed you love or said “I love you”

Another sign your ex didn’t love you anywhere near as much as you loved him or her is if your ex never said “I love you.” Even though some people are afraid of getting rejected or expressing their feelings openly, they always show their love through their actions and consistency.

Some hold their partner’s hand, make/buy their partner gifts, and spend quality time with him or her whereas others verbally express their feelings and expect their partner to do the same.

If your ex never told you what you needed to hear or showed you the love you expected, you have one of the best signs your ex never loved you. It’s a good sign because if your ex loved you, your ex would have expressed or shown a desire to see, hear, and feel how you feel. The relationship would have progressed much further than it did.

8)You were never officially together

Sometimes couples stay together even though they don’t love each other. They act like a couple even though they aren’t officially together. When they merely pretend to be together, they typically have doubts or no interest in staying together long-term. They just want relationship perks before they go their separate ways.

If you dated for months and broke up before you became a couple, the relationship clearly ran its course. It ended before you or your ex developed romantic feelings and expectations. The two of you had no reason to stay together because the relationship had no long-term goals or purpose.

It existed for non-romantic purposes and ended before love fully formed.

So if you were never officially a couple, consider it a sign that your ex never loved you. Your ex didn’t feel close to you enough to propose or even suggest becoming a couple. Things fell apart before things got serious.

9)Your ex didn’t put much effort into the relationship

If your ex didn’t put much effort into the relationship, you have yet another sign your ex didn’t love you. Couples usually try to impress each other (especially when the relationship is new) because they want their love to get stronger. They want to grow with their partner and reach their relationship goals together.

That’s why giving up on making their partner happy indicates they lost or never developed feelings and that they have nothing to gain from their partner. When they don’t have any romantic expectations of their partner, they don’t value their partner, have any feelings, and are okay with breaking up.

In a relationship, effort shows investment, commitment, and feelings. Someone who values you and wants you in his or her life as a romantic partner will work on making you feel important, needed, and loved.

10)Your ex never introduced you to his/her family

Although many people refuse to introduce their partner to their parents, not all of them do it because they don’t love their partner. Some of them have fears of being judged or forced to break up by their loved ones, so they keep their relationship hidden.

Other people, however, keep their relationship to themselves because they aren’t certain their partner is the one for them. They’re still getting to know their partner or hope that their relationship will magically improve. This makes them string their partner along and wait for the inevitable – the breakup.

I’m not saying introduction to family and friends is necessary for a relationship to succeed, but someone who hides something as important as a relationship has some avoidant/fearful tendencies. He or she tends to avoid difficult conversations and confrontations and may ultimately succumb to pressure and fear. Especially if his or her partner frequently pushes him or her to publicly announce the relationship.

And there you have it—our 10 signs your ex never loved you. If you can think of any other signs, feel free to share them in the comments below. We learn the most from our readers’ experiences.

However, if you need some help coping with the breakup and looking for signs your ex never loved you, reach out to us. Our 1-on-1 coaching is designed to address your most pressing questions and offer personalized support.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.