Thinking About Sending Long Messages To Get Your Ex Back?

Oftentimes, dumpees contemplate sending long messages to their ex with the intention to get their ex back. They think that if they pour their hearts out and explain their reasons for behaving in certain ways, their ex will understand them better and see how much they care about the relationship.

They believe they can reason with their detached ex and talk their way back into the relationship.

Boy are they wrong. Sooner than later, they learn that letters, poems, and paragraphs of text don’t reignite their ex’s feelings but that they smother their ex and solidify their ex’s reasons for leaving.

Long texts aren’t considerate, respectful, and caring gestures. Most dumpers see them as obsessive, desperate, and unsolicited moves incited by separation anxiety, fear, and desire for validation and safety.

Dumpers don’t want to read what their ex has realized and how badly their ex has messed up. They just want to be heard and left alone. Space lets them be free and process the breakup in dumper ways—whereas messages (especially long ones) suffocate them and make them want to change their numbers and hide.

Dumpees need to understand that dumpers don’t want, nor need to see how their ex is doing and what he or she is working on. They don’t want to be reminded about the breakup and feel like they’re the bad people for abandoning the relationship.

If they think they’re responsible for dumping their ex and causing their ex problems, they may feel guilty and tempted to string their ex along until they’ve managed to relieve their guilty conscience.

If they get tired of feeling bad all the time, they could also explode at their ex and/or ignore or block their ex.

There’s no telling what dumpers will do when they feel trapped in an uncomfortable situation and overwhelmed by emotions they can’t control.

But one thing is clear. They won’t like your long messages that intend to get them back. Even if there’s no begging involved, your actions will reveal that you have expectations of your ex, otherwise, you wouldn’t have reached out, sent a long message, and talked about emotions, regrets, and self-improvement.

You would have gotten closure already, left your ex to his or her devices (gone no contact), and moved on.

Since you’re thinking about sending long messages to get your ex back, bear in mind that you won’t get your ex back with honesty and determination alone. If it was that easy to convince the dumper to take you back, most dumpers would write pages of logical justifications and watch their ex run back to them.

They’d get the person they love back simply because they want to.

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. Your ex won’t come back just because you’ve identified your mistakes and worked on them. Your ex will come back only if you preserve your worth (not show you depend on him or her), move forward with your life, accept your mistakes and flaws, and live with regrets and mistakes.

It’s just not attractive to give the dumper all your power and throw yourself at his or her mercy. Most dumpers will think less of you if you force yourself into their lives and talk about things that don’t concern them.

They’ll see that you’re not doing okay emotionally and that you could say or do things that make their lives miserable.

So keep in mind that there’s no such thing as long messages to get your ex back. There are only long messages that your ex hasn’t asked for and that will swamp him or her with unpleasant feelings. Feelings that will hinder your ex from redeveloping love and wanting you back urgently even if things go south on his or her end.

It’s simple. The more you suffocate your ex now that your ex doesn’t want you back, the less attractive you will look when your ex fails badly and wants someone familiar to validate him or her and alleviate his or her suffering.

If you explain how much love you have for your ex and what you’re prepared to do to fight for the broken relationship, your ex will put you in the crazy/desperate category and refuse to acknowledge your good traits.

He or she will focus on the bad ones and treat you no better than you treat yourself.

You must never let an ex think you’re desperate for love. No person, let alone an ex wants to see you oppose his or her views and feelings.

In a relationship, fighting for love may be attractive and commendable, but in a breakup, it comes off as needy, desperate, and weak. An ex will sense that you’re writing long messages to receive love rather than to accept the breakup and do what’s best for both parties, not just you.

If you do just what’s best for you, it will be seen as a selfish, disrespectful gesture no matter how rational and nice your words appear to be.

Someone who wants something from you but doesn’t care about your feelings is only thinking about his or her wants and needs. He or she doesn’t care about your decisions, beliefs, and feelings.

Hence, you must start to care about your ex’s choices. Respect your ex and show your ex you have the strength to let him or her go without explaining yourself.

If your ex didn’t ask for an explanation, don’t give it to your ex, period. Wait until he or she has questions for you and wants a reason to trust you with his or her heart again.

When your ex trusts you romantically, your ex will ask you all sorts of things. And the strangest thing about it is that your ex won’t even care about the past. He or she will want to know about your present.

That means your long messages won’t affect your ex in ways you want them to. They won’t impress your ex because your ex has made up his or her mind and has a certain perception of you. This perception of you will need much more than a bunch of long messages to change. It will need something that makes your ex see that he or she isn’t happy and won’t be happy without you.

This can be anything that shows your ex he or she underestimated you and overestimated his or her ability to deal with life problems without you.

In this post, we discuss why you’re thinking about sending long messages to get your ex back and what you should do instead of sending these messages.

Can long messages get your ex back?

If you’re thinking about sending long messages to get your ex back, you should forget it. Messages, whether they’re short or long are unlikely to reattract your ex and bring back lost feelings. They’re much more likely to push your ex into a corner, trigger your ex’s repressed feelings, and worsen your ex’s perception of you.

That’s because texts, emails, letters, calls, and in-person conversations are unsolicited and initiated entirely by you. Your ex doesn’t need them to process the breakup and move forward.

They’re something you need to express yourself and feel understood. You want to talk about the relationship and the breakup because doing so eases your anxiety and pain. It makes you regain some control over the situation.

Always remember that your feelings and problems don’t concern your ex even half as much as they concern you. Your ex has different priorities, wants, and needs. And your ex will continue to have them as long as your ex feels suffocated and lacks respect and/or feelings for you.

If you send your ex long heartfelt messages, expecting your ex to fall back in love with you on your terms, you’re not considering your ex’s side of the story. You’re forgetting that your ex doesn’t want to open his or her heart up to you and give the relationship another try.

The moment your ex sees that you’re trying to lower his or her guard and get him or her to develop feelings again, your ex will feel disrespected and tell or show you that you’re overstepping his or her boundaries.

That will make you feel rejected again and cause you immense pain and suffering. It will invalidate your efforts, self-improvement, and who you are as a person.

So don’t take a shot in the dark by sending your ex long messages. They don’t have to be romantic, nostalgic, demanding, negative, or persuasive to trigger unhealthy feelings in your ex. They just have to be unsolicited, long, or the opposite of what your ex expects from you.

Remind yourself that every time your ex hears from you and sees how you feel or want to feel, your ex feels pressured and uncomfortable. He or she feels extremely eager to respond emotionally and run away from you.

Although some exes come back despite receiving long messages from their ex, most exes don’t. Most exes get annoyed with their ex and stop responding and talking to their ex. Those who come back because of a long text message (or messages) were going to come back sooner than later anyway because they never lost feelings.

They just wanted their ex to give them attention and admit their wrongdoings. Such relationships are prone to breaking up again because they experience a power imbalance.

With that said, here’s why you shouldn’t send long messages to your ex.

What should I do then?

Getting back together isn’t about taking responsibility and getting the dumper to forgive you. It’s about giving the dumper space to think about you and need you when something big goes wrong. A great failure or misfortune can incentivize the dumper to engage in meaningful reflection and realize that you were and can be a problem solver, love giver, and security provider.

You shouldn’t send a short message and remind your ex you’re still around just because a long one is unlikely to work.

Instead of pestering your ex and embarrassing yourself, send your ex the message that you’re doing fine and that you don’t need him or her to love yourself and move on with your life. You can do that by going/staying in no contact and taking care of yourself.

Your ex will appreciate your silence and self-respect. He or she may even become curious about you and check your social media profiles. If your ex sees that you’re in control of your emotions and that you love yourself more than you love him or her, your ex could reach out and try to get something from you.

Something like validation, information, forgiveness, support, or entertainment.

No matter how tempted you feel to overwhelm your ex with long messages, remember that your ex doesn’t want your messages. He or she wants to recover from the breakup and live a guilt-free life. Your ex will be able to do that when you leave him or her alone long enough for him or her to feel safe and ready to communicate with you.

When your ex is ready, your ex will come to you and start a conversation. He or she will initiate long conversations and might even want to get back together. Until then, keep your hopes low and let your ex be the one to put the effort in.

He or she dumped you, so your ex must come back and fix the trust that he or she broke.

You can’t be the one to send long messages and attempt to get back together. The dumper should do that to return stolen power and restore balance.

Are you still thinking about sending long messages to get your ex back? Do you know anyone who got back with an ex because of long messages? Share your breakup story below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.