The definition of a monkey-branching relationship is similar to cheating. Monkey-branching occurs when people are considering other options while they are still in a relationship with their partner.
They do this to place down a safety net and secure a backup plan in case something goes wrong in their current relationship.
Essentially, a dumper that monkey-branches emotionally cheats on his or her current partner and eventually leaves for someone else.
Although both men and women monkey-branch, I will refer to the perpetrator of monkey-branching in the female gender.
Monkey-branching into a new relationship is so despicable because the brancher has no respect for his partner, let alone for herself.
A woman who ends up doing this shows she has low moral standards, low self-esteem, and is full of insecurities.
Fear is a destroyer of many things—both good and bad.
So when a brancher in a relationship focuses strongly on what she doesn’t want – the fear and anxiety, she will eventually create exactly what she fears the most.
If you believe in the law of attraction you likely already know this. The powerful truth is that our minds listen to what we tell it—whether it’s positive, neutral or negative.
The more attention we give to our fears and insecurities without doing anything to solve them, the more real they become.
This means that if our unease in relationships isn’t properly and swiftly treated, we end up creating more unease.
As a result of perpetuating worrying, we eventually become so overwhelmed, we start looking for quick remedies.
And as you know, quick remedies are almost always not the best solutions.
In this article, we’re going to talk about exes monkey-branching from one relationship to another.
Monkey-branching is GIGS
Monkey-branching often entails chatting, calling, flirting and/or more with another person. It also paves the foundation for the grass is greener syndrome: GIGS to develop.
Any woman that gets intimately involved with another person when she is still in a relationship with her boyfriend soon loses respect and attraction for her partner.
She deliberately allows the new person to influence her weak mental state to the point where she gives in to the temptations of immorality.
Once she has secured her new position with her new playtoy, she is then able to leap (monkey-branch) into the arms of a new person without any fear and regret.
As long as she continues the steady flow of validation, the insecure monkey-brancher will remain externally content.
And once that source of happiness disappears, she will then become anxious and insecure again.
My ex monkey-branched
If I got a nickel every time someone told me “My ex monkey-branched after the breakup,” I’d honestly be rich by now.
Today’s society has become plagued with infinite amounts of ways to connect with people from all over the world.
In retrospect, the rise of the internet and mobile technologies enabled us to uninterruptedly stay in touch with whomever we wish—whenever we wish.
We became so over-reliant on our partner’s emotional and physical support that we became incapable of something as simple as going to the convenience store without our phones.
Leaving our phones behind would mean we must break the flow of uninterrupted support, and would, therefore, have to stay completely on our own.
At least for the meantime.
The reason why people carry a communication device on them is that they feel this inner desire to stay interconnected at all times.
In a way, they feel addicted to giving and receiving attention whenever possible.
And the same principle applies to monkey-branching.
This incessantly needy craving to be close to someone knows no limits.
People’s overdependence on external factors for their happiness has exceeded all norms of a “normal” emotional stability—both in relationships and outside.
As for your ex monkey-branching right after your breakup, your ex probably hasn’t learned to live by herself, for herself.
She’s still depending on others for continuous support and validation.
Why do people monkey-branch?
Since people look for internal happiness in all the wrong places (externally), they believe that monkey-branching onto another person will solve their problems.
In reality, all they do is bring their previous unresolved problems from their last relationship into the next relationship and expect all internal problems to magically disappear.
But boy are they wrong.
People don’t learn anything when they jump from one pile of problems onto the next.
They may avoid certain personality incompatibilities and wrongdoings from the past, but the same personal and interpersonal shortcomings still remain.
Girlfriends that monkey-branch basically refuse to work on their insecurities and relationship issues.
Instead, they sincerely believe that the new person will fill the gaps which their previous partner couldn’t.
Monkey-branchers then put all their hope into the new relationship and expect their new boyfriend to take up the role of their old boyfriend.
Not only that.
They want the new partner to be way better. They wouldn’t have dumped their partner if they were convinced that this new person can’t make them happier in the long run.
Monkey-branching is a weakness
Relationships require full commitment. The moment your girlfriend stops putting her best foot forward and averts her attention to another man, she loses sight of what’s in front of her.
Soon after, the new person then becomes her new point of interest.
Since she takes an interest in her new partner, her long-term partner slowly fades in the background.
As we mentioned before, people that are incapable of taking care of themselves will look for other ways to remain emotionally secure.
This often happens through various sources of emotional validation—such as monkey-branching, cheating, and flirting with others while in a relationship.
If your girlfriend talks to other men and enjoys their compliments more than she should, she is in essence monkey-branching.
She is consciously on the lookout for her second-best option in case something goes wrong.
And if something does go wrong, she will have soft cushions to fall on.
A monkey-brancher is basically so insecure, she doesn’t want to spend a single second as a single woman.
To her, dating someone and receiving validation at all times is an absolute must.
As a result of unresolved insecurities, she will quickly jump into a new relationship and begin to drain its life source.
And in so doing, a greedy take-take relationship is born.
Emotional dependence
Your ex monkey-branched right after the breakup because of her emotional dependence.
In other words, even though your ex is an adult—a fully grown person, she never learned how to love herself.
She is still emotionally dependent on others for all kinds of support and is unbelievably afraid to be alone in this world.
Monkey-branching is so harmful because it depicts very low self-esteem and therefore, indirectly projects fears and insecurities onto others.
Above all, it’s detrimental to the brancher’s health, as well as to her new partner.
In my opinion, if relationships conditions existed, the first rule should be to have the capacity to care of yourself before you get involved with another person.
This would mean that if you lack emotional independence, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Your immaturity and lack of compassion for others should prohibit you from hurting another person.
Do monkey-branching relationships last?
A monkey-branching relationship is a relationship that starts badly and ends even worse. The reason for its imminent failure is that it’s made of all the bad things you can think of.
First of all, the monkey-brancher’s new partner is most likely aware of his partner’s cheating. This creates trust issues that can’t be easily fixed.
Secondly, the relationship is built on false expectations.
The brancher truly believes her new relationship is going to fulfill her internally and fill her emotional void left by her previous partner.
And thirdly, the new monkey-branching relationship lacks the fundamentals of every successful relationship.
It lacks trust, security, patience, understanding, and most importantly—respect.
The truth is that nobody wants to be with a monkey-brancher.
The underlying thought of the same fate happening to their relationship is really not worth the trouble. As you know, history has a high probability of repeating itself.
And monkey-branching relationship is no different.
Anyone who gets involved with a cheater monkey-brancher lives in constant fear—which as a result often breaks up the couple.
Is monkey-branching a rebound?
There are really no big differences between monkey-branching and rebounding.
Partners in both relationship types often take each other for granted and sweep the past issues under the rug.
Monkey-branching can be referred to as a rebound. Since the person branching puts all her hope in her new partner, she expects only the best.
The problem with this thinking is that when attraction is high, she knows the least about the new person.
She notices only his superficial points and overlooks all the red flags which are personality-based.
But as you know, superficial qualities don’t keep people together.
Internal traits and values do.
How to prevent monkey-branching?
There are some things you can’t prevent in this world. Monkey-branching is one of them.
You can’t prevent your partner from monkey-branching and neither should you desperately try to.
Your partner knows what she must do to have a successful relationship with you.
Loyalty doesn’t need reminders and neither does your partner want to hear them.
As a matter of fact, the more often you reprimand your girlfriend about staying loyal, the less likely she is going to stay loyal.
If you keep reminding her, she is eventually going to lose trust in you and do exactly the opposite.
You don’t have to tell your partner who she shouldn’t talk to either. Fortunately, she was born with a head of her own to think with.
And that’s why any sort of manipulation will often achieve the opposite of the desired results.
Controlling your partner’s behavior in a forceful way could be the downfall of your romantic relationship.
So trust your partner and allow her to the freedom she deserves.
You must understand that the only way you should try to “change” your partner is to influence her in a positive way.
If you are able to articulate your wants and needs in a way for her to understand, you will accomplish great things in your relationship.
Of course, her understanding is greatly dependent on her openness and willingness to cooperate as well.
You can’t achieve great results if she isn’t willing to listen.
If you fail at influencing your partner to your way of thinking, you must then accept your partner’s decision as well as her individuality.
Once you’ve done that, decide if her attention-seeking is something that bothers you.
Ask yourself “Can I put up with it or is it a deal-breaker for me?”
When you’ve decided what to do, stick with it!
Don’t jump back and forth on your word. If you do, you will lose authenticity and neither she nor anyone else won’t take you seriously anymore.
10 monkey-branching signs
Early monkey-branching signs usually appear after the relationship’s honeymoon phase.
When the relationship’s initial thrills wear off, the monkey-brancher will then look for different ways to validate herself.
Monkey-branching signs have many shapes and forms and can easily be overlooked. When we are in a relationship with the person we love, we are especially oblivious to these signs.
Emotions and attachments make it difficult for us to see that our partner may be monkey-branching.
And when we do suspect something may be going on, we often approach it the wrong way.
Most people don’t handle themselves well when they are in a monkey-branching relationship. Because they are trying to keep a straight face, they often either under-react or over-react.
People who don’t lie often are usually bad liars and can be easily detected.
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and you suspect your partner may be monkey-branching, chances are you will be able to recognize any inauthentic behavior.
The 10 signs of monkey-branching are:
- Gaslighting: accusing you of infidelity to alleviate her own guilt caused by cheating. This sign is a projection of fear of being caught red-handed.
- Sudden changes: hobbies, activities, friends groups, interests. If your partner changes her likes and dislikes erratically, there is usually a force involved which is greater than yourself.
- Caring for the physical appearance: signing up for the gym and applying loads of makeup can be signs that your girlfriend wants to impress another person.
- Dating apps: this is an obvious sign of monkey-branching. Don’t take this one lightly.
- Availability: if your partner is available during sleeping hours and the times when you aren’t available, something’s definitely fishy.
- Affection changes: if she becomes overly-interested in you or suddenly becomes cold and distant, she could be showing you early monkey-branching signs.
- Talking about other guys: when a person talks about others, it’s okay. But when she goes to the extent to do so in an emotional way, you can tell she’s emotionally involved.
- Ignoring your texts and calls: refusing to converse with you and reply back could be a sign of monkey-branching—especially if she’s talking to others instead of you.
- Indifference: if she suddenly isn’t bothered by anything anymore and shows little to no interest, she’s emotionally checked out.
- Hiding: when she hides her phone messages or her very presence from you, she is up to no good.
What to do if she’s monkey-branching?
If you notice any of these monkey-branching signs, try not to panic.
Acting on an impulse usually makes things worse. Remember that you can’t force your partner to love you and stay with you.
So no matter how suspicious you may be or how angry it makes you, don’t do anything bizarre.
If you choose to go with the flow, you will only make yourself look bad.
Acting angrily when she is branching to a new relationship, will only help her transition easier.
If you lose your cool and show her your dark side, she is going to use it against you. She will say something like “You always act like this. No wonder I don’t want to stay with you.“
By becoming your worst self, you inadvertently give her a good excuse to ditch you and leap into the arms of another person.
Don’t get me wrong.
If she wants to leave, she will do so whether you’re the kindest person on the planet or pure evil.
Accepting her decision nicely will, however, instill guilt in her and make her doubt her actions once the newness of her new relationship wears off.
Trust me on this. Any woman with strong moral values will suffer as a result of her bad karmic actions.
It’s just a matter of time.
Women who monkey-branch into new relationships more often than not, eventually regret their decisions.
They may not necessarily regret the act of leaving itself, but rather the fact that they have a ton of negative stigma on their hands.
Did your ex monkey-branch into a new relationship? Comment below and let me know.
My ex and I dated for 2 yrs. He then broke up with me saying that I deserve better.
After a week my friends told m they saw his profile on various dating site. Now he now has telegram which was befoe he would never download.
I never felt that he valued me during ou relationship, he never puts an effort when we argue, he always gaslights me saying that it’s always my fault when I started to open up. I deacted all my social media after th break up I knew he has someone new my friend saw a myday a picture of a street but you can see the girl’s legs. I am really hurt because he has money to see a new girl and never do that with me. I never got a gift from him he always says has an excuse.
Also, when we broke up he never blocked me, though he has a new fling or whatever he has he still contacts me. I told him, ”how can I move on when you’re still talking to me. You have a new girl pls I dont want her to feel bad, what if that girl is serious?” Then i deactivate all my social media. Is it okay to do that? I want to heal, I want someone to value and put an effort on our relationship. I’m tired and hurt and I dont know what to do, though I’m currently distracting myself thru work but when i’m in bed i still think of it. I get mix emotions, hurt, sadness, anger everything.
Hi Ayan.
It’s okay to deactivate your social media for a while. It’s also okay to tell him to stop reaching out. It’s about you now rather than him. So do whatever it takes to detach and move on.
Your ex has lost feelings for you and will date other people. You can’t stop him from doing that, so unfollow/delete your socials and spend lots of time with friends and family. You need to heal and rediscover your worth.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex of 3 years and I split. I left her after she confessed that her “friend” she always told me about was actually an old bf who she use to sleep with. It hurt so bad because I felt disrespected. She would say “my friend is calling me let’s talk later”. This went on for 3 years. I broke up and 2-3 week later she was out on date with an older man who has a child and more money. I feel she cheated. She denied it when I asked her and she then blocked me and changed cell. Been 5 months she’s still with him. I previously forgave her once before too when we had an argument and broke up she was talking to some guy from tinder. I told her how disrespectful it was to do that so soon after break up and how I couldn’t even think of doing that without taking my time to move on. Little did I know that it was 2 months before that split. Seems like she didn’t love or care for me. Used me and saw something new and would go so easily. I was waiting on medical results on time which she knew about what I was going through waiting to find out if I had cancer or not due to tumors. She broke up with me during that. I needed her. 3 months later she comes back asking how I was and wanted to try I was so dumb and forgave and now all this other stuff happened. I feel used and lied to. She would constantly say I love you and I always felt it was me putting all the effort and showing her love which she says I never did. I always forgave and tried so hard to keep her. I didn’t respect myself. I feel her new man is either a monkey branch or rebound. They look happy. I feel she’s prob narcissistic. Everything was either my fault she manipulated and played victim. Never said sorry or took responsibility. Even would talk bad to me to everyone and would complain about me to my family as if I was the bad person. It was always me talking about how her mistakes made me feel and I’d get upset and she’s flip it on me.
Hi Zan
My Ex and I we were in a 4 year relationship
Everything was great and amazing . I stood by him when he had no job life was tough he always said you are a great person you take care of me etc
He suddenly became unavailable took me for granted for like 4 months.
I asked him several times if he wanted to leave he would beg.
Days before valentines he said he fell out of love .
I said okay lets go our separate ways was hurt and broken. Then he started begging came valentines and asked me back confessed to cheating with his high school crush mate . Says you are my person this girl is actually messing up my life life with her is too fast .I cried became hysterical. Next morning said we can work things out but he the decieded he wanted to work things out with the new girl. This girl knew i existed he had even told her im in a committed relationship. I begged , pleaded , became suicidal, which i regret , told him all the pain he caused me , his short comings i used to ignore. I later apologized and never contacted him for a week now he never responded
What hurts is he is not remorseful, he says its not his fault he fall out of love. And also it hurts he is posting this girl doing activities something he never used to do with me which he said he had no interest in .they are so happy 😊 it hurts.
Hi Thandi.
Your ex is a typical cheater. He couldn’t resist his cheating temptations, so he cheated and went cold. He then waited 4 months to figure out what to do just to finally admit he messed up. Because you said let’s go separate ways, he felt rejected and begged. But when you became depressed and needed help, he was nowhere to be seen.
I can tell you that this whole experience is all his fault, Thandi. He stopped valuing you and didn’t have the commitment necessary to stay loyal. You’ll find someone who’ll be a better match for you.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan , Do you think these people realize their mistake and come back later?
Sometimes, Kavya.
It depends on their self-awareness and pain usually.
Best regards,
Zan
So my ex monkey branched and overlapped were ex engaged and lived together. I paid off his debts and would have done anything for him. He moved on within days of telling me he sees no future with me. I’m 35 he’s 32 his new lady is 50. I got told to leave him alone yesterday. I haven’t messaged that much except when I have had to. I only wanted to be civil. I’m not at all angry at him. I acted a bit stupid after the breakup sure because it was a shock. Now he’s resentful and wants nothing to do with me. I’ve blown all my chances haven’t I? Let’s accept the breakup was his fault – he is now playing victim. I am not pestering him I’m OK with the breakup and now leaving him be. But I have blown my chances for sure haven’t I? He was my first time to make things worse as I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 27.
Hi Roslyn.
You didn’t blow your chances with your actions. The problem is that the guy is resentful/feels smothered and wants to cut you off because he’d met another woman. You did a lot for this person, so now it’s probably a good time to do more for yourself. Invest in yourself because he doesn’t deserve your love and energy anymore.
Best,
Zan
So my ex girlfriend and I were in a seemingly loving and trusting relationship of 2 years. We talked about getting married and moving together, but then I got a scholarship and had to move overseas. She told me she wanted to continue the relationship long distance but then just a couple of weeks after I left she started getting cold and begged me to come back, eventually she broke up with me after a month.
I panicked and bought the earliest fly back home that I could afford. The weeks previous of my returning we started talking again and I told her I was coming back for her and she told me that she wasn’t sure she wanted to get back together just yet. When I came back I figure out why, she was going on dates with different people and partying like crazy and also she became really close with one of her friends and even had sex with him.
I try to play it cool at first and told her that there was no pressure from my part and that we should just hang out. It was working out at first and we were having a good time, with kisses and sex from time to time. But then one day she told me that we should just be friends. I didn’t pay her attention and the next day I stayed over at her house and eventually we started having sex. It all started nice and with consent (I even gave her oral sex and made her come) but then we started actually fucking and after a while she told to stop and… I didn’t. It was a mistake, I thought we both we’re having a good time. I took a long time to stop and she had to repeat it to me several times before I realize what was happening.
A couple of days later we talked and she told me that I broke her trust. I apologized, admited 100% of the fault, told her that I didn’t realize at first, that I got carried away and that it wasn’t my intention to hurt her (By the way this NEVER happened before). She told me she new I didn’t do it on purpose but that she was really hurt and didn’t want to see me in a while. Next thing she blocked me on everything
What can or should I do??? Besides going my own way and respecting her decision??
This explains my ex and I situation perfectly. We were having issues and on the downfall but she quickly brought her close “friend” into the picture and when she quit staying at my place i found out she was staying at his place for about a week before she really broke up with me. I should’ve seen it coming considering she left her ex for me in the almost the same fashion. I was wondering if it’s a bad idea to post this article on my Facebook story for her and him to see? Would that possibly make her see her actions clearly or potentially make her want to prove these points wrong and help their relationship? Speaking from the fact that i want her back.
Hi Tyler.
Don’t post this article for your ex to see. She won’t learn what she needs from it because she’s not ready for learning. Besides, it will prove you’re hurt and still want her back.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,I am hoping to leave a brief description of what is happening in the fallout of my breakup with my girlfriend.Do I just right it up in here
Kind regards .Ned campell
Hi Ned.
You can post your story here if you’d like. Just don’t make it too long. 1-2 minutes of reading time max, please. 🙏
Thanks,
Zan
I was in a relationship for over two years and in the last few months leading up to the breakup, there was some distance but nothing out of the ordinary. We spent one great weekend together and a few days later I get a message from a girl that they have been together for the past 6 months. I feel that my ex monkey branched and she even let me know that she told him to block me on everything and so he did. We didn’t get to have that break up conversation it was just an immediate erase. It has been two months in and I am feeling much better, just wondering if their relationship is something that could last. The relationship started based on lies and there could always be that insecurity of infidelity again. Thankfully, my career and education is going amazing and I have even started to date again and it feels good to be able to start over.
Hi AG.
Whether they have a successful relationship depends on how developed they are. The new woman doesn’t seem bothered by the fact that he cheated on you with her. She’s probably too love blind to see what’s going on. Only time will tell. Don’t stick around to find out.
Best,
Zan
No she wasn’t. In her messages she said some pretty disgusting and foul things to show that she got “picked.” She told me to also leave them alone so they could see how they could progress, which seems pretty ridiculous to me. She is also a single mother and mentioned that he is great with her together and that they feel like a family. So I guess I’m just a bit confused to how he went into the family dynamic when he said he wasn’t ready for that for a good while.
Hi AG.
She’s in for a rude awakening. One day she’ll find out that he didn’t pick her because she’s that great but because he didn’t know how to control temptations. That’s when she’ll start fearing the same could happen to her. It wasn’t hard for him to take the fatherly role because he’s infatuated with her and didn’t mind it. Things will get a bit more challenging with time.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi there. I think my ex definitely monkey-branched. I’m quite shocked at a few things I read in your article. Was in a four year relationship and I feel as though my ex started monkey-branching with a new “friend” around the 1.5/2 year mark. Is it possible for them to monkey-branch for so long before finally breaking up? Thanks for your time.
Hi Isabel.
It’s possible, it’s called (emotional) cheating. A guy flirts with someone behind your back and monkey-branches to her when he develops feelings for her and is certain he can do it without getting rejected.
Best regards,
Zan
So, I met a girl. A beautiful girl. My idealistic “dream girl”.
Young and beautiful. I was immediately weak!
We hooked up in the first week and she left her current boyfriend, telling me about that after we had sex a few times.
I moved into her house… Sitting on her couch as I type this, only a couple months in.
I feel that she is a monkey branched. I am Doomed!
I am head over heels but I feel this article was written about her.
I will enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of it, but at least I am armed with the knowledge that this is going nowhere long-term and I will be the victim of her cheating one-day.
I’m off to see my dr tomorrow to get a “check up”.
Karma for me I guess!
Hi Bob.
You should keep in mind that you got involved with a cheater and that unless she grows within that the same will happen to you. I suggest you talk to her about it and see if she feels any guilt about what she’s done.
Kind regards,
Zan
You keep praying. The end is in sight. Karma going to get him. Stay busy. Get up and start going places with friends. In the end he want her because she is a home wrecker. Why will he even respect her…..
This is exactly what I needed to read. My ex asked for a space before dumping me. Now 1yr later, everything came clear that space was for someone else to fill LOL. she marries her rebound 3months post breakup. theyre still on but obviously shes not happy. shes just covering her unhappiness and confusion with her so-called religious commitments.
Hi Carl.
Your ex’s demand for space was, of course, just an excuse for her to leave without breaking your heart and dealing with the breakup properly. Instead of being honest with you and helping you, she gave you false hope and went to enjoy her new relationship.
You deserve better, Carl.
Best regards,
Zan
So I finally figured out that for months , maybe a year or more my girlfriend was cheating on me. We were living together have a two year old son together and one day out of nowhere when I thought things were going okay she left me put a short note in the mailbox talking about a parenting plan for our son and the key to the house .I came home after work and all she had completely moved out and moved on. She just said how she needs to work on herself and that she couldn’t be in a relationship while working on herself. Some time goes by and I’m still trying to figure out how and why and what happened for her to leave me like she did. Then one day a light bulb turned on in my brain and I totally realized she had been having an affair for I dont know how long . It might have been years. She kept becoming more distant wouldn’t ever want to do anything with me would not go out on a date with me ever it seemed. She supposedly had a job where she was working a night shift . She had two jobs supposedly. It started off where she was only working the night job once a week. As time went on it became more night shifts next thing I know. I’m going to work on a Thursday morning and I would not see her again until Late Sunday night. I was blind to her cheating on me because I totally fully and completely trusted her. I have no hard damning evidence but its like the saying. When you know you just know. And I totally know. I know I know I know! It had felt like on every time for months that to have sex I would have to practically pressure her into doing it with me because it was hardly ever happening between us anymore. She hurt me more than I’ve ever hurt before. I haven’t barely been able to eat for almost two months now . I’m still sick to my stomach about it all. I’ve had diarrhea for like two month straight. I’ve been seriously hurt bad inside and out. I’m all alone now trying to make the best out of each day. Taking life just one day at a time. I’ve completely changed my life since she left. I’ve grieved and mourned like there’s no tomorrow for almost two months now. I’m slowly healing I think and I turned to God for help. I’m growing closer to God now. Maybe the next person I have a relationship some day will have the morals and ethics and everything else that goes with never ever being able to cheat on me like she did.
Hi Adam.
I’m sorry your ex has made you suffer this much. You need to go indefinite no contact so you can heal from her abuse.
Don’t talk to her, don’t watch her posts online, nothing. You have to distance yourself from her and focus on your own life. It will be difficult at first, but it’s necessary so you can rebuild yourself.
In your next relationship, you’ll know that when a person withdraws for more than a few days that something is wrong.
Don’t let this person change how you are as a person and the way you see relationships.
Sincerely,
Zan
Haha they all have the same routine of reasons. My ex did the same. left me asking space, says she wants to be single and ponder on several things in life. i did gave the space she wanted until finally breaking up with me and marrying her rebound 3months later. lol. bitch
Sounds like my wife. Always bouncing around like I don’t know.
Unless YOU did something really deplorable ie: cheating to cause the breakup, let them go, there are plenty of fish out there. My four year fiancé (50) decided to cruise guys on tinder and then Monkey-Branch to one of them, as she says I wasn’t affectionate enough anymore and I knew that she was a “Touch type” Love language. For the first 3 months the depression was bad. I did go NO Contact and she did reach out from time to time, just bread crumbing and it felt worse when she did that. I would have crawled all the way back to Mukwonago over broken glass for her to take me back. Now I realize what that would make me look like, she wouldn’t respect me and I sure wouldn’t have either. Time does heal and I found someone much better, much younger and much, much more emotionally mature. I just saw her face to face and this person whom I thought was the most beautiful woman in the world 7 months ago held zero attraction for me. It was like the movie -Shallow Hal- I could could only see the ugliness she has inside. The first few months are bad, but just go one day at a time. Good Luck!
It has been 14 months since my husband left me because of fundamental differences. He has been in a relationship for 13 months with a woman he has known for as long as me, with a woman he saw every day at work for 12 years, with a woman about whom those 12 years he didn’t have a good opinion …. it is a serious relationship, love
and I … I still love him, I don’t know how and I can’t go on without him. My children are the only bright spot in this life, but unfortunately not bright enough to move on 🙁
My ex left me when my dad’s body (rather just bones and skull and shoes) were found after he’d give missing for 112 days. My ex dumped me when I was begging for a word of consolation. We hadn’t been talking for two months before that bc he wasn’t emotionally supportive when my dad was missing anyways and was being stupid and childish. When I contacted for support when dad was found he’d barely reply to my begging emails telling him my dad’s remains had been found and I just need a minute on the phone with him. Then he just told me he’s met someone a month ago and had just moved in with her. It was such a blow to me especially bc I was already grieving. He just didn’t even care. Just said I don’t blame you if you hate me. I said I wish them happiness and I wouldn’t be a threat and didn’t contact him after that. 2.5 months later he emails me confessing his undying love for me while still in that relationship! He wanted to monkey branch over to me. First I felt a bit happy but then I realized my God he was such a Scumbag doing that to me then doing this to his new gf. I told him it was so wrong contacting me but he became even more vocal about his feelings and at the end I told him to get lost and I won’t take him back after he’d been with someone else and I wouldn’t let him monkey branch and he should do what he did best when I needed him the most and just leave me alone. I knew he’d moved in with that girl to live rent free. He loved free rides. Later I was told by his friend that his new gf is not good looking (not sure if that’s true) and almost a drug addict which figures bc he was a pothead who’d tried all drugs. I’m a dentist. I don’t know why I thought society norms be damned and dated this two timer douchebag. He probably was in contact with other girls when he was with me too bc I remember once i was teasing him and wanted to look at his phone and he wouldn’t unlock it for me and looked kind of scared and anxious. I’m such a fool.
A total of 12 y, of which 8.5 y were (legally, still is) marriage. We have three children (4y, 7y and 8y).
In January of this year, it was suddenly “we are fundamentally different” and “no, there is no other woman”, in February he moved out of the apartment where we lived together for 10.5 y. In June, he told me via message “it’s a matter of years of disagreement and that wasn’t life, it was torture” and he mentioned the official divorce for the first time. In late August, I found that he had begun an emotional relationship with a co-worker only 30 days later. Otherwise she has been present in his life since the first day we met, she knows me, I know her…hey she was at our wedding! During these 12 years, on several occasions, she was presented to me as a fat fool who does nothing and has that position at work only thanks to the love relationships she had with co-workers from the same company only from other region.
And now I should to beleive that his relationship with her did not exist before, while he was still living with me and the children?! By the way, this relationship seems very serious because after only 2 months (from the alleged beginning of the relationship) he introduced her to our children (ofcourse not as his girlfrend) and only 4 months (again from the alleged beginning of the relationship) he introduced her to his mother.
I know the two of us were distanc ourselves and that I put the kids in the first place (it may have been my fault), but with so much of his business commitments (long office stays and frequent business trips), my job, 3 kids and housekeeping, makes me that distancing is inevitable. But I looked at it this way: children are growing, becoming more independent and there will be more and more time for the two of us. I was obviously wrong.
And in all of that, the problem is that he always had my maximum trust, I believed and I still believe that my marriage was almost perfect and that “almost” was that we both lacked more time for each other.
In few days will be 10 months since he moved. Hey 10 months! A new life is born in 9 months, and I am still desperate and broken, my whole world has collapsed!
My ex was a professional brancher, always choosing her “next ones” amongs her couple’s friends.
I was stupid enough to go with her and betray my friend. Karma’s went back to me, I deserved it.
She was good at manipulating to get what she wanted, flattery, guilt tripping, belittling, menacing, triangulation, false promises was her way.
She did the same to me and “branched” with one of our friend.
It’s exactly what you say: they’re always the poor victim, they seek for external happiness (easy pleasures?), are never happy with what they have (GIG), take you for granted whatever you do for them and think they always deserve better (while far from being great love partners themselves, mostly narcissistic).
Being with them is like having a Damocles sword over your head.
You’re never at peace because they make you feel (subtly menacing) that if you don’t provide for every one of their desires, they will replace you by someone who will.
And they do… once they sucked all the blood you had.
Hi zan,
My gf of 5 yrs recently broke up with me and chose the other person. Now, she took her time alone for a month or I don’t know until when before she’ll commit herself to the new person. It pains me a lot.
Is this still considered as monkey-branching?
Hi, Wow Read it all ! So it was very good ! Yes sounds like almost
everyone knows of this or has been a part of it, one way or the other !
I’m saving it to re-read. ***** It makes us SHARPER on a very common
but not talked about topic. We need this topic to be sharp in our society.
Thanks
Man from Princeton, MA.
better that it all happened before marriage. imagine that you got married, had 1,2,3 children and after 6-10 years he left you (for another woman or any other reason)
I was in a relationship with this guys for 5 years (both 26), and his family learned of us one year ago. We thought of each other as soulmates and we fought so hard to be together. He moved back to his country but we planned the wedding in January, had the wedding dress and the rings (he bought them in May). it was just a matter of time until I can travel there due to Covid restrictions. Since march he met a new person who he mentioned to me for being a persistent work colleague and that he wants to wear a ring asap. In May he started to fight with me from anything and was being very cold towards me. I confronted him but he denied at that time. I could not do anything from miles away, and she was right at his sight. In June, one month before i was supposed to move there he broke up with me saying that he’s with someone else now and not to interfere with his life anymore. It was the most painful experience of my life and one month i spent begging and pleading with him, he was still calling me almost daily, cause even if he admit his affair, he then took this words bad and started to blame me for an old argument. By the end of July I learned that indeed there’s a third person on the table and i told him i know the true reason of our breakup. The only thing he had to say was I’m sorry, take care of yourself. I sacrificed everything to move and be with him, i left everyone for him but he left me for someone else, all this while i was preparing to be his bride. I’m so heartbroken, not even the worse woman deserves this. My brain says i should never forgive him but my hearts still hopes he will reach out to me one day, after realizing his mistake. But i am sure his apology cannot be as loud as his disrespect was. His family says they will never agree on his new relationship but in the end it’s their son and will accept maybe. They told me to have patience but honestly i don’t want to put my life on standby until his new relationship will fail, nor I am not ready to move on. I”ve been in NC since 1’st of august and in 31 our wedding was suppose to take place. I love him to death, when I should hate him. What’s your opinion on this?
I believe it’s a blessing in disguise. Even if he comes back, would you ever trust him again?
thank u guys, i just left an update x
better that it all happened before marriage. imagine that you got married, had 1,2,3 children and after 6-10 years he left you (for another woman or any other reason)
thank u guys, i just left an update x
Guys it’s me the author. Almost one year later. I thought i could never get out of it, i was considering suicide, went to therapy. Until i took my destiny in my own hands, i had the biggest glow up, still single but dating, met amazing people, handsome guys, been treated like a queen and now my ex looks like a foot to me, he’s out of my league. Don’t give up, life is amazing, i’m the happiest i’ve even been, i achieved thing i didn’t during the 5yrs+ relationship. Time does heal everything, be patient with yourself, feel anything you need to feel, go through each stage, don’t suppress anything, I cried everyday for 6 months straight, I though i’d never get out of it. XOXO